Category Archives: Fatherhood

My friend, Tami, was having a great discussion on the The Myth of Strong Female Characters. It’s a great read, you should check it out. Don’t worry, I’ll wait.

She asked the discussion be kept to females because males are their own can of worms.

Nothing like opening it, right?

Men tend to get cast in mass media (books, TV, Movies, etc) as a wide variety of characters. There is an excellent and healthy array on display. That is, unless the man in question is cast primarily as a father. At that point, our mass media seems to be stuck on trope and stereotype.

Parents in general, but father’s in particular are often absent completely (“Suite Life of Zack and Cody”). When they are shown, they are oblivious (“Jimmy Neutron”, “Jessie”, self absorbed (Tams in “Firefly” or Buffy’s dad in “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” (TV)), deranged (“Malcolm in the Middle”) or generally incompetent (“Everybody Loves Raymond”, “Good Luck Charlie”). Even when the father shows some positive qualities, (“Tool Time”), he is constantly having to be saved, usually by the kids, but sometimes by Mom, from his self made blunders.

Even on my very favorite show, “Castle”, the dad is shown as immature, and his child as the responsible one (granted she is nearly college age).

It’s a schtick they keep pulling out. In a 40 second promo clip for the new show “See Dad Run”, we see the Dad burning toast, exploding a blender, setting the kitchen on fire, and his daughter pleading with the Mom saying, “Please don’t leave us with daddy!” Dads are just so funny, especially when they don’t know how to make toast!

Probably the poster child for the father character would be Homer Simpson. While he has his rare moments, he’s shown as self-absorbed with all the fathering skill of a neanderthal (and I think I might have just insulted neanderthals. If I go missing, question that guy from the Geico commercials).

I know some of this is a back lash against the father figures from the time of “Leave it to Beaver” and “Father knows best”. Not to put  too fine a point on it, but those shows were on 60 years ago! I think we’ve lashed them enough.

Dad’s Impact

Dads are important in a kid’s life.

Fathers are the first man a child meets, and in many ways (good and bad) they set the expectation for what all men will be like. This also extends to the child’s spiritual life where the dad figure can strongly influence what the child will expect God to be like.

Spoiler Alert! Men and women are different. They teach things in different ways and relate to children in different ways. Men (typically) tend to be more active in play and slower to help with a frustrating situation. Father’s (on average) are more likely to promote problem solving and independence.

63% of teen suicides come from fatherless homes. That’s 5 times the national average. SOURCE: U.S. Dept of Health

71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes. 9 times the national average. SOURCE: National Principals Association Report

85% of all youths in prison come from fatherless homes. 20 times the national average. SOURCE: U.S. Dept. of Justice

Statistics don’t have to write the story. Each of us can chose to be author of our own life story, and sing our own life song.

The dad in a kid’s doesn’t have to be their biological father. Any male who chooses to be involved in a kid’s life can make a positive difference. Plus kids are resilient, and I know some amazing single moms raising just incredible kids.

But why point the finger at popular media?

91% of 701 fathers surveyed by the University of Texas at Austin agreed that there is a “father-absence crisis in America.” What were the 4 major obstacles for fathers to overcome? 1) Work demands 2) The media 3) Pop Culture 4) Finances SOURCE: Morse, Jennifer Roback. “Parents or Prisons.” Policy Review, 2003

I wonder sometimes if we are caught in a type of cultural feedback loop. The writer has experienced a selfish, or bumbling dad and portrays him that way. The audience has also experienced this kind of dad so a more positive example doesn’t ring true. As we consume more media, this idea becomes the norm. Dads play the role because it is what is normal, and the cycle begins again. I’ve often wondered if the same thing is happening to marriage in general (few songs/tv shows celebrate long, happy marriage) but that’s a topic for another day.

I’m not asking for every father in mass media to be portrayed as a super man who is exceeding successful at work while dishing out sage advice at home. Mary Sues are no more fun regardless of gender. I realize sometimes showing a weakness can leave room for a father to grow as a character.

I’ve got to believe there is some middle  between the exaggerated faults getting today, and the idealized vision of the past. I’d just like to see the pendulum swing a little bit back toward positive depictions.

Positive Example?

I would like to see more father’s shown taking on the challenges rather than being the punch line.

One positive example would be the 2011 movie “Courageous”. The tag line of the movie was “Protecting the streets is second nature to these law enforcement officers. Raising their children? That will take courage.” Sure, it’s too long by about 30 minutes, suffers from the dreaded muddled middle, and is too preachy by whatever amount you can quantify preachiness. Despite all that, it’s a wonderfully positive take on fathers.

Your turn

The very word Father can stir up powerful emotions.

What do you think of the way dads are portrayed?

How do you portray them in your own writing? Why?

image: http://www.zazzle.com/worlds_greatest_dad_big_block_letters_dark_shirt-235147248060018651