To All the Dads Out There

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What’s my motivation? How can I make a difference? What do I have to offer the world? How can I connect the blog to a real passion in my life?

Divorce

When I was around 13 or 14 years old my parents split up. This is hardly a unique situation. Most of the people I know have either been through a divorce themselves or were a child of divorce.

Yet in my little world, it was devastating. I came out of that experience with a mission for my life. I had to guarantee that I never put my kids through the pain and hardship I went through.

My first brilliant plan to accomplish this was to simply never get married. If I didn’t get married, it would be rather impossible to get divorced.

Voila, problem solved.

Then I met this incredible, beautiful, and loving woman who had this strange attraction to geeky guys. Back when I grew up, being a geek wasn’t the cool thing it is today. My greatest weakness had suddenly become my greatest strength. Sure, she could find someone smarter, or funnier, or who could make more money, but I could geek with the best of them.

Now the whole ‘don’t’ get married plan’ was pretty much out the window. Okay, no problem. I can get married, I just won’t have any kids.

Boom, problem solved!

If I don’t have kids that means even if my wife and I end up getting divorced, there won’t be any kids to put through the pain of it. It will just affect me and my wife.

The Best Laid Plans

That worked great for about 4 years. We traveled. We ate out. We enjoyed being D.I.N.Ks*.

Then one day some switch flipped in my wife. She wanted to have a baby — like yesterday. She looked at me with those baby blue eyes that looked like the perfectly still sea after a storm. How could I deny her? I told her, in the not so immortal words of Big Boss Nass, “wesa ready to do oursen part!”

Next thing you know, I’m holding this adorable little baby girl.

I Love It When a Plan…Wait What Plan?

What was the plan now? If this married thing doesn’t work out, I’ll do exactly that thing I promised myself I would never do. I’ll put another kid thorught the painful experiences I went through.

Not. Going. To. Happen.

I read every study on marriage I could find looking for that silver bullet, that one thing I could do to ensure my marriage would last. It wasn’t there. Nothing I found gave better than 50/50 odds at success. At the same time, I fell more and more in love with my new daughter. I wanted to be the very best father I could be to her.

Getting It Right

Fast forward thirteen years or so. I’m still married, and I have a great relationship with my kids (plural now that I have two) and my wife. I don’t get many things right in my life, but being a dad and husband are two things I seem to be doing well.

I never want any child to have face the pain of divorce. I want every child to have a great relationship with their dad. I’m dedicating the majority of my online space to that end. To the best of my knowledge and ability, I’ll share with the world how to be a better man, a better husband, and a better father.

I would never call myself an expert, and there are lots of really great husbands and dads out in the world. I don’t claim to have it all figured out, but I can tell you what worked for me and probably just as important what hasn’t. Every situation is different. Every kid is different.

Some people love to cook. Some people love to write. I love being a dad and a husband. I will still occasionally post about my writing. That’s a journey I remain on. I’m just not sure that’s a journey that’s going to help anyone.

If something I write on this blog can help even one dad stay married to his wife, or be a better father to his kids then all of the time, and all of the money I have put into my online space will be worth it.

 

*D.I.N.Ks = Double Income No Kids

 

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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